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Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Truth (And the Year of No)


Some reasons I love Hamburg: The port and good friends, who know how to live life. © Nina Buesing Corvallo

Last week one of my favorite bloggers and artists recounted an impromptu trip to my hometown of Hamburg (you can read the post by clicking here). Let's just say Sandra did not have a good time. Nor did she have a good impression of Hamburg on this visit. I heart Sandra's work and blog and I didn't think much of it, other than: "Oh, I should give her some tips for next time she goes".
I know not everyone loves Hamburg. It's not for everyone, and not the most welcoming of cities. Plus Germany is rarely on lists of most loved traveled destinations, so we are kinda used to it (note: Sandra loves Berlin).
Anyway, this post is not about that.
This post is about how hard it is to communicate properly.
Sandra spoke her truth and then felt the need to author another post (find that one by clicking here) where she explained further what her previous post was all about, because some misunderstood the sentiment of her original post. Sandra is an artist and her blog is where she shares her take on the world. But clearly not all of her blog readers really want her to freely express herself.
I struggle with this on my blog too. I mostly write about what I like. But Sandra's post made me think. I do feel that I censor myself, and maybe I should not.
I struggle with this in daily life too.
Sometimes me being polite is read by someone else as me being interested. While I think, "Gosh do they not realize I am just being polite. Stop talking to me already!", the other person might think "Wow, we get on great and will be fantastic friends". Or maybe they are just thrilled to have found someone that they can unload on, who is too polite to shut them down. Either way not a good situation.
For my mom being offensive or being impolite is a cardinal sin. These things get passed on in one form or another and thus it has always been hard for me to say no.
But I also can get overwhelmed and distracted and stressed out. One arrives easily at that point when one runs their own business, is self-reliant, enthusiastic, interested and can't say no.
And then when I am in that state I sometimes end up being rude or inconsiderate. I just loose my bearings. It is a crappy cycle that I am on a mission to break.
That being said it is not all me.
Sometimes people are just hell-bend on taking what you say or do the wrong way or they cannot see beyond their own way of thinking or worse they simply make stuff up. There is a lot of good people out there, but there are also plenty of not so great people out there. And there are givers and takers. And sometimes there are even good people in bad situations.
Some things deserves push-back and sometimes that even requires being rude.
I don't think people should ever be punished for being truthful. And sometimes to function we tell little lies.
It's a balancing act.

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